5:45 p.m. x 2002-09-29

why am i hearing tom jones again??? AGH...

please, to anyone who may come across this, i am getting to not be able to handle myself anymore...my impulses, my thoughts, my body even...it's all out of my hands. lately i've started writing down stuff without realizing it - then i zone out and when i come to i get yelled at for writing in class. my thoughts have been 1000000x more violent than in the past...i swore after columbine i'd never fantasize about bringing firearms into school and going on a death-spree but my english teacher has since made me break my promise.

i want to throw him in a trunk, drive with my friends into the middle of the desert, build a huge bonfire, and set the trunk aflame as jaypea gets drunk and rolls down the road and rachel flashes everyone, manda sings "the beautiful people", britt and krystal make out, and sara puts lubriderm on everybody...and everyone else applauses. except for the english teacher - who is dead.

my tasks for the year are to resolve sara and jason's hatred of one another, settle britt into a happy relationship, find jaypea a cute sweet lil boyfriend (post-birthday-sex), get my ex a girlfriend who isn't 6 (EW...what was that???), and...um, hmm...help ryry and rachee...get a lollipop...if i get myself a lollipop and jaypea a boyfriend i get a gold star ^-^! YAY...i like making everything right. it's a *me* thing.

more later, i'm tired. i just swiped flowers from my geometry teacher's backyard ^-^. HAAA!!!

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)