one more special message to go and when i'm done then i can go home

10:17 p.m. x 2002-12-12

back from wally world. actually, i have been. but i needed to relax for a moment...take a bath, read a bit of the books tweaker loaned me, try and recover from all the energy expanded today. i was yelled at in basic foods for weirdness, yes, purely for my quirkiness...i was yelled at and threatened punishment...i believe i'd said something about if we put shannon in the oven she'd taste like avacattos and wouldn't be worth eating at all.

well...she wouldn't.

i was just supposed to get a shirt for graphic arts at walmart, but being the grabby individual i can be, i saw a black blouse that i'd actually wear albeit it being a bit translucent, and nirvana's UNPLUGGED...*dies*...which i'd forgotten to get. so i came home with the above ^-^ and happily listened to kurt whine out "on a plain" while tweaking about for the mailing list. see it down there? isn't it cuuute? i didn't think so either but christ did i have a time making that thing look like the rest of the site @_@.

i just can't wait until i change layouts again. i was already all over everything to make stuff un-purple, then i'll have to un-orange everything...i also need to remember to change the poll to one i was asking sara and amanda last week, basically it's would you rather drown in melted cheddar or...well, there are a few other options but melted cheddar is the fixed alternative.

*le sigh*...just finished talking to rachel again. this time the topic was male friends. that's vaguely tricky for me...i don't deal well with guys. maybe if i did i could have male friends. but until then i continue to fuck-up any and all relationships, gener irrevelant, but worse with men than anything. the major and notable exceptions to this is the explanation for why i do indeed have male friends...my psyche doesn't do all the little sadistic twists and turns if the guy is...

a.) dating a best friend of mine
b.) has dated/had sex with a best friend of mine
c.) is completely 100% not my type, even if he is nice
d.) gay (most of the time this stops the pressure but not the anxiety @_@

so i can't have straight attractive guy friends that aren't dating someone i'm close to, or i manage to mess it up...it's a concious thing, i believe...there's just some weird aversion to guys with me. maybe i'm afraid of them @_@ i could definitely see that coming up in a psychiatric evaluation...

...i've just succeeded in confusing myself once more. i'm going to sleep now...friday tomorrow avec john paul and his hyundai elantra...*boogies to nirvana*!

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11