You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

mom's not home and dad won't make anything...and i'm on a "diet", hence starving...tauruses were not meant to diet. i'm going to scream here soon. the token thing that went okay for me today was that the beatles are on the cover of rolling stone ^-^. that brightened my mood a bit. other than that i feel like screaming for any number of reasons. the stupid psychodrama...it isn't amusing anymore, it never was except when i was desperately, numbingly bored. it used to be like a "hobby" now it's just CHRIST - SOME OF THESE PEOPLE ARE FUCKED UP and it's gone everywhere from interesting to thrilling to scary to disturbing to monotonous to ANNOYING. "the writer's perspective" says john lennon "i am experiencing this". that worked great the first dozen or so times now it's just stuck drowning in the mental ward with the patients you love and no use for the system and NO ONE WILL LISTEN TO TWO THINGS YOU HAVE TO SAY BECAUSE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE A PATIENT TOO!

okay - that didn't make ANY sense nor was it supposed to. it's part of my new month's resolution not to use the private folder mechanism here. i have no issues with soul-bearing, i'm not ashamed of my feelings or opinions and satan knows who's come across this diary. half my classmates have it whether it be through me or someone else and it doesn't bother me a bit, i love to write and i love people to see my writing. THE PROBLEM IS - despite all that, i hate hate HATE to offend, especially those i love. so...it's all gobbledeegook. john lennon wrote norwegian wood about an affair and coded it so his then-wife cynthia wouldn't understand and it came out all lovely mishmash.

i can't believe someone else did that, and john lennon no less. ^-^ go me.

i'm sick of lying and i wish i could just say what i mean,
not just in here but in general.
i wish i didn't live here or anywhere near here.
i wish everyone read this but YOU.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)