adventures in and around barnes & noble

7:36 p.m. x 2003-04-12

the oddest things happen to me when i'm at my most confused and vulnerable, and while that may be more fun for the viewer...it makes me really tired @_@ nor do i fully appreciate it until after it's been over for several hours. like today...

my mother and i went to barnes & noble, and i'd set a little goal for myself: i was going to get SM101 by jay wiseman and the chicago soundtrack or i'd be very karmically interrupted for the rest of the week. when i arrive - i dart to my destination only to find that the books are all on the little wheelee-whatsits and only a few shelves are filled fully (this is only in one section, not the whole store...otherwise it would've been vaguely worse...).

luckily, one part was, and i thought *please let SM101 be here!*, but i couldn't see it, so i sought the helpful aid of a clerk. now...there is a reason that i want to work there, and that reason is THERE ARE NO CLERKS AT MY LOCAL B&N. NONE. there only seem to ever be two on duty and this is a big store (big as hole-in-the-grounds can provide, anyway). so i spot one behind the counter with this hilarious little oriental woman. this old lady is my new hero...she just shoved her merry way into the employee's-only space and tried to find her desired book.

the clerk was really disoriented and tired, and she kept looking up at me and smiling, "one more second!". i felt very bad for her, and it only got worse when she started helping me. i dragged her over to the shelf and proceeded to join her in crawling around in search of this elusive little book. when we finally found it (meanwhile, the oriental woman had gotten really uppity - i shall be her in old age, i shall), my mom had decided to pop over.

to the best of my knowledge, she didn't care what the book was about. here's where it gets only more deliciously ironic...

so i bought a few easter whatsits, read a few magazines, and my mother happened upon me reading an article in bitch magazine on female record collectors. she asked if i wanted it, i said sure, and then she saw that damned evil, evil word...

"FEMINIST!"

did you shudder? me too - *shudders*. she thinks it means 'lesbian', which it can, but it was just wildly amusing to me at the time that "SM" didn't ring any kinky bells but "feminist" did. but wait, it gets weirder!

so then we departed to have lunch and, when i sat down at a table, i realized that my ever-present beatles lunchbox wasn't in my hand! IT WAS IN THE SEX SECTION OF BARNES & NOBLE!!! NOOOOO!!! within minutes it was back...but i had a heart-attack moment big time. i did see yet-another-amanda, too, but in my frantic state of "AAGH!" all i could manage to say was "lost the lunchbox! had all my shit in there!!! see ya in fourth block!" politely, of course ^-^ she knew i was freaking. it's to be expected of me, after all, i'm k@ri.

so, after that episode, i wanted to relax and have lunch. my table had been taken by some elderly midget man, so i took a nearby seat. my mom then proceeded to yank me over towards a window seat. this said seat was right next to the meanest math-teacher-esque looking bitch you could ever imagine, and she shot the meanest, crankiest, EEEVILEST sneer in my general direction. my mom, being the wiley old-ish thing she is, yelled "OKAY, WE'RE MOVING. I DON'T LIKE THE COMPANY." it was great...she's getting more outspoken as she ages.

the rest of the day was relatively normal as normal is for moi. i'm presently listening to jack white tell me to be like the squirrle, but i'm too tired to dissect the deep meaning that may or may not harbour...

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11