You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

i don't believe in keeping yourself saddled onto saddness 24/7. i make it a daily point to sit down and spend a bit of time with something i love to do. this could be reading, writing, watching a david lynch film...or salivating at the sound of "...when you're in your little room..." bounding from the beautiful lips of jack white. *jumps around in adolescent female spastic joy* - the goal of my lame teenage years is to make him smile, however nervously. i'd also like to hospitalize meg, but let's refrain from childishness, shall we (she says, as she breaks out the taser)?

everyone must get the new issue of "blender" and be in awe of the beauty that is john anthony gillis. GAAAH - he makes me feel like that twelve year old girl at a hanson concert (and might i add - they will be a tough act to follow, i haven't been to a concert since)! his eyes are spectacular little brown vessels of sexiness. *rawr* - i feel happy.

i've just witnessed the amusing surprise that is "anger management" - it would've been (i'm serious, ladies and homosexual males...hey, if you're reading my diary and you're a guy, congratulations, you're gay, ESPECIALLY if this isn't the first time you've read it...anyway, back to the movie) SO much more realistic if it hadn't been a complete set-up. i've been in situations (so many that it's still kinda funny but borderline spooky...) where i've been acting completely normal (err...k@ri-normal, that's not saying much but it's something - "my usual pattern of behavior", if you will) and another individual will just flip out at me and tell me to calm down. so that movie was roughly comforting until they got there, but by then i was too busy trying to figure out where all of jack nicholson's hair went to notice.

i used to have the biggest fear of him. yes, i was jack-nicholson-a-phobic for quite some time. admit it, he's got a creepy look! but as i get older...i learn to identify with him more...there's a small child across the street conspiring againts me with her fellow preschoolers because she believes i'm a wicked witch. i used to think jack nicholson was going to jump out from behind a clothing rack in a store and chase me through a mall. i've since come to terms with those fears, and now i'm learning what it feels like. ah, life's lessons...

...sheesh, i didn't understand that paragraph at all. hmm, yes...i got a book of sylvia plath poems! my grad project salveowner said i shouldn't read plath because i already write like her, but eh...she's old and looks like a hot dog bun (YEEES the bun, specifically!). her english teacher probably told her she writes like one of the writers on the SNL staff back in the 80s, when they had anthony michael hall on and all that fuzz. JEALOUS!

she was a strange bird, indeed. she read my writing samples and said "i see shades of [sylvia] plath and [marilyn] manson." this makes as much sense as if she'd said "well i can see all the 'babysitters club' reading paid off!" (and yes - i used to own quite a few of those mothers). i admit, the writing i handed in was a little on my pessimistic edge, but i've only read "the bell jar" once (and need to reread it cause i didn't feel i grasped it well) and i've never been overtly influenced by brian hugh's way with words. i use more adjectives than he does and i tend to stay away from really blatant politics. in other words: I'M STILL IN HIGHSCHOOL. GIMME A BREAK, LITERARY FUCKHEADS!

*shocking revelation of the day!* i have seen (yes, willingly even) and...enjoyed...the new...CHRISTINA AGUILERA VIDEO...*faints in shock*. no really - were you ever watching tv and find yourself personally motivated by a complete whorish retard? me neither. that was a 1/10000111 shot, but i was really quite surprised. less so after i watched "making the video", of course (YES i watched the "making the video" - i'm already rubbing it in for me so you don't have to do it later!). the director had complete conceptual control and christina seemed only loosely aware of the meaning behind her actions. it sounded (embarrassingly so) like she was dictating something prewritten for her. *tisk tisk* - but i was pleasantly surprised! it's a shame such a voice was settled into such a lose and mindless tart. but for now, i kind of forgive her (expect this to last up to eight hours if nothing bad happens between now and then, otherwise - the bad event will be blamed on her and thus she is the antichrist).

*MWAH!* and before we leave, some very wise words from mr. universe...

take all your problems
and rip em apart
carry them off
in a shopping cart
and another thing you
should've known from the start
the problems in hand
are lighter than at heart
- the white stripes, "little acorns"

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)