it's alright, everything is alright

10:42 p.m. x 2003-04-26

i feel so odd and adolescent liking the movie "girl" as much as i do. but i am odd and adolescent, so i shall enjoy it while it lasts (which will inevitably be longer than it should - i am forever the three-year-old singing disney songs on a chair in the kitchen for any poor boob who'll listen).

another huge THANK YOU!!! to all the many lovelies (nottingham, deathblossom, neuroticaa, maralisa, and jekylandhyde to name a few) who have so generously filled out my survey. and it is wholly understood if you were very tired when you took it ^-^ such was the case with two of the aformentioned loved-ones. indeed, i was quite tired when i wrote the thing. i had this massive, 20-something list of deep and philosophical questions. reading that, combined with my wanning insomnia, only made me more tired, thus resulting in 7 questions about strange things. and if the kurt cobain question seems odd, it is actually pretty veiled.

a more appropriate wording would've been - *sputter* see i don't even know. it isn't a hopeless nirvana fan asking the question - i am quite resentful of people who carry out such acts. trying is completely forgivable. succeeding is not, in k@ri's big book of the universe. i'd like nirvana more if he hadn't done that...the fact that he did anything else in his life including the heroin doesn't affect my opinion of him at all. i like his lyrics, his sense of melody makes me go "AAAAGH!" with jealousy, and i completely understand how he dealt with his politics (i fumble a lot with my views, too - many of us do). but suicide...just rubs me in many a bad way. it makes me think of phone calls where i couldn't do shit for the person, sleepovers where truth-or-dare games ran out of sexual topics, and the boy who called me "alien" in 8th grade and how i felt so awful that i didn't notice when he wasn't coming to school last year.

but hell, he missed september eleventh by less than a week. uncanny timing.

*SQUEE!* and we have a new guestbook code, thanks to deathblossom ^-^ hehe...yes. i had a feeling the other one was being stupid. i told you i really have limited knowledge of html. however...i've just finished two designs featuring jack off jill and kathleen hanna that i'm really proud of ^-^ but i think i may just unleash them on the public rather than use them...i want my first layout for this diary to be impecably special. i made a gorgeous graphic of my best friend manda today, and while i'd jump up and down and sing "if i could turn back time" to build a layout around it - the sweet hippie vegitarian that i love would go schizo on me. so i don't think that'll happen...soon, anyway...

i'm thinking maybe a jack white layout? YES...just jack. meg can come if she's polite and doesn't screw up the wholesome and family-oriented image that my website's so faultfully upheld these past few months. or perhaps someone no one's heard of? i'd like to do one with tara vanflower. she was my jessicka when i was in middleschool...*le sigh*. i had the most rediculously strange goth period in 7-8th grade. and we are not talking nine inch nails and brian hugh, they came later...bauhaus, alien sex fiend, wumpscut, the sisters...i was a weird kid. i got made fun of by close friends. they now listen to emo. i think karma has worked its magic there ^-^.

my stats page has just reminded me to do try a babes in toyland layout. a recent hit was "i was friends with kat bjelland" - I WISH I WAS...*ugh* i want a band. that is honestly what i would like to waste my existence on this plain doing. i'm an honest, committed lyricist and singer (just please let it be in my key! PLEASE! all i ask of you is that you not expect me to pull an aretha franklin on you!)...i NEEEEED an audience, i talk loud in class breaks just so everyone can laugh at whatever inanity crawls forth from my mouth. i'm used to, even sometimes thrive on being stared at and noticed. I'M A GOOD FRONTWOMAN, and actually work well in groups. my tests in careers say i'll make someone a great employee ^-^ whoohoo!

yes, i can be proud of that. i've got 70-somethings in everything else, i can be happy about my *careers* grade. *sputter sputter*...i must be failing driver's ed miserably. i was scared to adjust the rearview mirror last class, but he didn't make me, which was nice of the douche bag. i hate cars...i'm sorry...but come on - would you trust me with a metric ton of lethal metal going at god-knows-how-many-miles-per-hour?!?!?!?! I HOPE NOT!

we shall close with this subliminal message, brought to you by the good personalities of my psychosis (hilight, please):

elton john just wants you to have protective sex - do what the man says

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11