i need a brand new glow

9:34 p.m. x 2003-06-07

...in my field of paper flowers
and candy clouds of lullaby
i lay inside myself for hours
and watch my purple sky fly over me...

*ugh* - i feel guilty loving that song so much. but i'm beyond the point of listening to my guilt...at least that guilt. the guilt that tells me not to do things doesn't really work terribly well against the fact that i rarely hear "no". i rarely ask, either...so i suppose that conflict is solved!

as you can see - we have a few new additions (scrolll down, dahling) to the clique family. scarred souls, by the ever wonderful damiana ^-^ and kissmyscars - which i joined by a series of computer errors @_@ that resulted in my being allowed in despite not knowing the directions...my sincerest apologies to the owner ^-^;;;. i submitted myself to the noir-baiser ring but haven't heard from them yet...

-_- i wasn't really in the best mood for the last few hours of the day...i wasn't in the best mood for the past month (merci), but today i just had too much time to sit and think about something that happened earlier this week.

there is a person i dearly love. they're one of the best things about my life. i once did something to them, and it was something very bad. very bad - and a series of damaging events ensewed. and now i can see the hurt welling up all over this person and the effects of everything i did to her is coming right up to the skin. i thought she'd get over it & forget about it but deep down i knew she wouldn't because it's perfectly explainable that she's hurt that deeply. i can't believe i'm such a bad person. i can't handle knowing i could do that to someone. i really wish i could go back to not knowing i was capable of that. that guilt stays.

oh i like this google hit..."how to express yourself in one girl"...somehow that sounds nice but i'll bet you it really isn't...it's probably the same person that searched for "boobtag"...

now if you don't mind, i must go and look for a good price on "but i'm a cheerleader" and yell at the person who decided not to send the copy of "secretary" i paid 25$ for. *mwah*.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11