cease to exist on your christmas list

9:10 p.m. x 2003-06-20

sometimes hearing good songs gets on my nerves quite badly (no...i'm far to complicated to simply enjoy them @_@;;; mer). not always - but when a song is REEEALLY good, i can't help but get really pissy that i didn't think of it. especially guitar parts. i'd sell my soul to microsoft if i could claim ownership to the guitars in "madraykin" by queen adreena.

i thought about trying to write music today. i'm primarily a lyricist but i never gave myself a fair shot at writing a melody...i'll just end up being like ringo and thinking i've written something great but it already exists @_@ mer. i had a lot of time today to just contemplate random things as my parents left with my brother and sister to go somewhere before i was even awake - leaving me to crawl around the house watching "frida" and listening to "enter sandman". i wrote a bunch of new fragments of poems...which i can't filter into any kind of structure but i REALLY like them ^-^ and as long as i feel like shit i figure i'll capitalize on it.

i'm in love with sylvia plath and anne sexton. i don't care if my english teacher said to avoid reading them as i appearantly already sound like them - i'm sure...even the things i submitted to her have too sarcastic a feel about them to be concidered angsty feminism. half of those were humerous pieces, in fact...i'm quite bad at concentrating on writing humor. in fact most of the funny things i've ever written are in this diary. i can be spur-of-the-moment funny...but sitting down and concentrating always produces something really deep and dramatic.

and thus - that is why my fridge is adorned with the many teenage helpline numbers my teachers have given me over the years. even though i'm fairly alright by my peers' standards - i know highschool has to be the weirdest environment to have issues in. i once talked the the councelor about a friend i was scared for and she devised this rediculously elaborate plan to snag the individual and talk them down.

this is what televising vietnam has done to the minds that govern our school system...*hides*...

and now i'm off to dust off my grad project and take a nap. adieu.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11