where did your pleasure go when the pain came through

10:14 p.m. x 2003-06-27

i had "getting scared" and "angry johnny", and in general, a bunch of songs by imogen heap and poe, lying around on random mix cds. and i dedicated today to listening to them while i rewrote one of my short stories. that essentially describes most of today and yesterday...in fact the only difference is yesterday i got dressed and today i didn't @_@ and rachel called today. then she called again two seconds later because she forgot to dial someone else's number.

other than that...i've just been doing very myssi-ish things around my room, like sweeping up the petals that my dead lilacs are shedding and drawing tom cruise, which is my current obstacle. i draw portraits, and if i see a face that strikes me as particularly interesting, my hand just bothers & abuses me until i draw. so i waited until late last night, when i was too tired to think what i was doing was especially weird, and i printed off several pictures of tom cruise.

*le sigh* - dammit, man. he doesn't look the same in any two pictures i could find.

i'm of very little words this evening, and since two of those words have been "tom cruise", i think that's a good signal for me to shut up. i leave you with the lyrics to the lovely song-of-the-day...

GETTING SCARED
by imogen heap

turn your ugly face
are you so surprised to see me
yeah i was your little childhood playground toy
and if i remember
yeah if i do remember rightly
i said the tables would be turned around boy
who's getting scared now
tell me, tell me how does it feel
it feels so good from where im standing
the only times of my life
the sun was meant to shine for me
you made it pour down, pour down with tears of rain
dug my pride with a knife
encaged by your obsession with me
time was mental torture and screams of justified pain
so ya gonna chase me now boy
yeah ya gonna corner me now boy
you think ya gonna threaten me now boy
somehow i don't think so
yeah ya gonna stamp me down now boy
yeah ya gonna crush me down now boy
you think ya gonna threaten me now boy
somehow i dont think so
who's getting scared now, tell me
tell me how does it feel
it feels so good from where im standing
yeah youre getting scared now, piggy
go ahead and squeal
it sounds so nice from where im standing
who's getting scared?
who's getting scared now?

damn. i'm buying that.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11