you're not real and you can't save me

10:26 p.m. x 2003-07-26

for a weaker individual...this might be the end. i'm in that deep a hole right now. but...no. just to annoy you, i will stick it out as long as possible. i don't care that i'm losing those close to me in a swirly haze of hate and paranoia. i don't care that they don't see that i'm the most depressed i think i've ever been. no...i suppose it still matters, but i'm not going to have it matter as much anymore.

i want every day to feel like how i feel when i see jack white on the cover of "spin", or when i hear "just because" on tv, or when someone hugs me and says something sweet to me, and they let me tell them something sweet back AND IT MATTERS JUST AS MUCH TO THEM!

^-^ i've uplifted myself with my own entry. and nobody's tearing me down. i just wanted to say i'm not mad at anybody, i don't hate anybody...and i don't want anybody to hate/be mad at me.

not now. not again.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11