don't wake up

3:14 p.m. x 2003-08-24

something has really been bothering me for the last two days, and it isn't the novocaine and it isn't school and it isn't my skin or the bite scars or insomnia. it's something else, subject to momentary relief but it seems everything just augments it without trying. one thing has made it better - and i hope hope hope that one thing doesn't go away. if it did i feel like it would be my fault and i can NOT let that happen...

i had to rip open a few old wounds yesterday without getting salt anywhere near them - but try to heal any hurt that still escaped. i had to admit why things were getting so bad and what i had to do to make them better.

i will try. i want things better - but i suppose my trouble is, i want them better in every aspect. and they can't be. there is something that will never be better and i have to stop trying to make it so.

*ugh* - i just passed out. and i have to get up at dawn tomorrow. wonderous - and i have math during my nap time. jordan - i will be copying all your notes this year. i'm in desperate need of rest. at least i can bomb math this year with little concideration - i needn't be taking another course in it (to the delight of myself and the math administration). and i have six electives as opposed to four required courses - and then two half credits requiring minimal effort.

thank jebus.

excuse me for what a non-entry this was. i'm a bit on the hazey side today, as i have been all summer. caffeine and awakedness should force me back into a better writing mood - mer. wish me luck in my pursuit of passing grades and the lyrics to "thriller". <3

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11