11:31 a.m. x 2003-09-11

there was a girl who used to be in my french class. the teacher used to make us translate everything into japanese (me) and greek (her). her dad really loved her, and his funeral was today. i'm not going to go up to her in the hallway and wish her well though, because i do not know her, but i do wish her well even if she doesn't know it.

beyond this, my day was quite bad.

i said hello to an exchange student in the hallway today, but she didn't see me. later in the day, while i was leaving the bathroom, ready to cry, she walked by me and told me to have a great day. she looked a little upset, and i said for her to as well.

when i was in the nurse i sat down beside a handicapped student. she asked me what was wrong and i said i'd had a rough day. she asked why and i said it was trouble with friends. she smiled and told me they weren't worth knowing and i should just walk away. i smiled, and this was when i started to cry.

all day i said "it hurts". nobody asked how much, only why. i didn't say - and so i buried the mechanism that buried the pain, and all i got was denial and the sense of something somewhere really hurting.

when i got in the car, my mom started to yell - not at me, but at what was making me upset. it felt nice, like a small verification of the fact that i wasn't the crazy one. but it's a bit like that "twilight zone" episode...if everyone looks like a pig-billy idol hybrid except you, doesn't that make you the ugly one? so what if everyone's insane but you?

what will be will be @_@ and i hope the boy from yesterday hasn't gouged out his eyes. if so, he can have mine if he asks politely. good afternoon, <333.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)