torture me with timelessness

3:21 p.m. x 2003-10-20

my hormones are swelling and hurting my insides and getting in the way of EVERYTHING.

the art club meeting today would've been great if it weren't for two things. one of them is the art teachers who decided to violently hate me today, and the other we will not delve into. but it hurt worse.

if clare reads this clare should call me.

ugh...my head hurts so bad, and i have that sick little nervous stupid feeling that is going to drive me absolutely insane. and this weekend was SO GOOD that this entire week will just perpetually SUCK until it becomes the weekend again. *le sigh* i hate the way i feel. it's a suffocating, upsetting thing with no resolution in sight and it makes me feel WEAK AND DISGUSTING...

i fought this feeling for every inch of its existence and now it threatens to overrun everything else and hinder my beautiful, perfect place that i FINALLY HAVE.

and i think i am in many ways in the same place as another friend. the circumstances aren't exactly the same, and to be perfectly honest i'm scared of them being the same.

i'm very scared of what i feel. and it only makes absolutely perfect sense under one circumstance and then otherwise it's completely unthinkable and stupid - it's always stupid BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE.

MY BEAUTIFUL FLOWER
my ruin

your mouth blooms like a cut sweet and full of sin
i prick myself on your thorns and i bleed within
your leaves fade to brown and i watch you die
in my torture garden under blacksunshine
my beautiful flower
he loves me not he loves me he loves me not he loves me
our love starts to spil your lips bleed like a rose
underneath the soil is where the evil grows your petals start to fall and the weeds attack
in my torture garden the blue sky is black
my beautiful flower
he loves me not he loves me he loves me not he loves me
your mouth blooms like a cut sweet and full of sin
i prick my self on your thorns and i bleed within
my love starts to spoil your lips bleed like a rose
underneath the soil is where the evil grows i am earth
you can feel me touch you hear me breath
cause it's my air that loves you and i am fire
you will feel me burn you come inside
and i'll be water with you
he loves me not he loves me he loves me not he loves me

if you think you understand this entry...you don't know me very well.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11