10:32 p.m. x 2003-10-28

i don't want an insta-cure for my problems.

(am i ranting?)

i read about them and i go to therapy but not to find an "answer". i look to understand. i look for a balance. i look for an affirmation. i acknowledge the bad in my life and how it weighs in comparison to the good. in the long run it makes me feel better, and this thing that could eat away at my stability is helping me to see myself as a more complete person.

(or something like that. it sounded really good when i thought of it in the bath.)

and by read - i don't think i've ever read about anybody with my specific issues. but i've read wasted and autobiography and when rabbit howls etc. and cried and felt they ripped the words and feelings straight from inside of me, even though i don't have an eating disorder, schizophrenia, or DID/MPD. it's just a sense of pain and something wrong, and who cannot relate to that...

(i don't know where i'm going with this.)

why is my school so small?!? I HATE IT!!!

(well...that was very random.)

i think i ought to be shutting up now.

(good idea. goodnight everybody.)

goodnight <3.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)