6:20 p.m. x 2003-11-26
"that was very random." - tweakİİİ
today i took story of o with me to school and i ripped a page in half by accident, so clare, tweak, kara and i kissed it and gave it to paul after we held him to the wall and showered him senseless with affectionate kisses that made his face all twisted and red. paul has a macho-guy complex but it clashes with his fear of women. i pity paco deeply.İİİ
daily injustice of the public school system: today the school paper was on sale for free and dearest ryan had a great little feature on the kobe bryant case, and one of the teachers had the fucking nerve to essentially make fun of him behind his back for some of the law issues discussed in the article after he had exhausted himself verifying with several legal professionals the complexities of rules surrounding privacy protection for victims of sex crimes. he was so proud of it - that bastard didn't need to do something so low as to talk about him like that. ryan's purpose on earth is to be exuberant, adorable, and watch SheSpies - not to be berated by a man teaching tenth grade american history in a town that doesn't appear on any maps.İİİ
"rappacini's daughter" is the weirdest film. we watched it in english, and it's based on a story by hawthorne about an italian college student who becomes enamoured by the daughter of a mad botanist who dwells in the garden beside his boarding room's window. maybe it was watching it in third block (my least favorite class of all right now) but it seemed like the creepiest movie i've ever seen. it's one of those pbs-type numbers and it's prefaced by henry fonda, and if you can get your hands on a copy, watch it. and try to keep from laughing at the bump on rappacini's head.İİİ
...that had to have been achingly difficult to say. i would've been more responsive if all my words didn't just stopped at my throat as they have been lately. and if my feelings and i would just stay in the same room for once, i would've crawled under a floorboard and told you something at festivus. and when you told me, i cried for several reasons. because i love you, obviously, deeply and sincerely. because you're one of the most beautiful people i've ever known. because i admire you for being able to say it to me. because if it weren't for my own stupid disreguard for my body i would have torn the bathroom to fucking bits and KILLED SOMEONE.
and then afterwards when everything was okay - i was happy you felt better, but where does that feeling go? i want you to know that you can talk to me if it needs somewhere to go. i never want you to feel there's nowhere for that to go.İİİ
we went to the pizza place of doom after school - myself, ryan, paul, tweak, clare, alex, manda and kara. like most places the main characters of sitcoms congregate, the sexual tension at that place sadly outdoes the food. and yet we're always there. like max's on "saved by the bell". i bet the food there sucked.
i don't know where that was going. but i've run out of what small cup of coherency i had for the day, so goodnight.
(((p.s. paul looks like morrissey.)))
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start