my relief (REGRET) is my release

2:12 p.m. x 2003-12-10

i wish i'd never had that fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking FUCKING PARTY. not for the sake of a fantasy but for the sake of a friendship. and for i, i might have saved myself a million baths and the remnants of my appetite. and for two people i care about on a massive scale, the ability to speak to them together in the same room.

i can't believe i played a part in the death of something that beautiful anymore than i can believe i'm SO FUCKING UPSET ABOUT IT.

i guess, you know, i love both of them so much that i didn't want to see it curl up and die like that. much less on my porch.

R.I.P. cello&violin, welcome uncomfortable silence. i love you no less seperately than together.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11