but i'm not feeling guilty (yeah)

4:48 p.m. x 2004-01-04

i can feel it coming in the air tonight
and i've been waiting for this moment for all my life
can you feel it coming in the air tonight

well if you told me you were drowning
i would not lend a hand
i've seen your face before my friend
but i don't know if you know who i am
well i was there and i saw what you did
i saw it with my own two eyes
so you can wipe off the grin
i know where you've been
it's all been a pack of lies
and i can feel it coming in the air tonight
well i've been waiting for this moment for all my life
i can feel it coming in the air tonight
and i've been waiting for this moment for all my life

well i remember
i remember don't worry
how could i ever forget
it's the first time
the last time we ever met
but i know the reason why you keep your silence up
no, you ain't fool me
the hurt doesn't show
but the pain still grows
so strange is you to me
i can feel it coming in the air tonight
well i've been waiting for this moment for all my life
i can feel it in the air tonight
well i've been waiting for this moment for all my life
i can feel it coming in the air tonight
and i've been waiting for this moment for all my life
i can feel it in the air tonight
and i've been waiting for this moment...

phil collins, "in the air tonight"

i've got myself inside a knot i can't work out. i know what manda would say if i told her about it. she'd say i'm making something out of nothing, like i always do, and i should just say "hey, i think, and i'm sorry, you misunderstood this. i didn't mean to hurt your feelings. really really. i think my awareness of the situation was and is really inappropriate but NOBODY'S VIOLATED YOUR TRUST, i promise. not me, not anybody. i love you so much."

and it's just sooo RIGHT that this has to hit EVERY WEAK SPOT in my being. FUCK. my feelings are the least of what's hurting right now. but today wasn't really bad, and i'm putting the good parts in my livejournal (there they go, go read that instead please). evening.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11