11:50 p.m. x 2004-02-24

i had little blurbs on the small artist katy rose from blender and interview and she looked so cute. the "overdrive" video made me cringe, though @_@ ugh, what is with the youth coming up?! i need a role model, media!

and thus, we look to miss auf der maur. she & darcy wretzky made me pick up my little bass and think "hey, if i can pass french, i can probably learn a song or something". you can't get that kind of inspiration from jessica simpson, can ya? i did watch a little spot on her wedding today and cried...*ugh*, ENVIOUSNESSSS!!! i already have my dress & my cake drawn up and the devastatingly ugly bridesmaids gowns set to go. just a (good, interesting, sweet, fun, affectionate, warm, attractive, stable, witty, talented, affluent, bright, understanding, wonderful, etc.) groom and i'm good to go. and don't go buying me one of those crazy kitchen appliances for a gift, either, because i've got necessities taken care of. i suggest those of you who are invited pool your resources and get my husband and i a chauffer.

another gift i should soon be getting: anger management. this has interested me for quite some time now, and despite the fact that i don't suffer from rage blackouts, curse uncontrollably, or anything really typical of letting one's anger get the best of them (...anymore, oh if only you knew @_@;;;). i just don't handle anger very proficiently, i let it overwhelm me and it often ends up clogging the better part of my week/s. it makes me very physical, though, even if i'm not beating people up (paul doesn't count, believe it or not, that was an affectionate slap between fiends), i can do my two main physically-inclined activities (dancing and walking, and when i say dancing i don't mean ballet, i jump around so much it makes the house shake ^-^) for hours and hours and hours. thanks to a shift in my eating and my activity, my sleep pattern has snapped into place, and you know what?

I HATE DREAMS.

my body's in shock from nightly r.e.m. sleep. it hasn't had to deal with some of this stuff in so long that it's perpetuated a little trauma on my poor cerebral reccesses. perhaps it is this very abnormality that's made me want to listen to melissa auf der maur's "followed the waves" over and over and over...

*becomes preoccupied with thoughts of a boy*, i must stop this. it's really unattractive, this "crushing" matter. ugly habit! i feel like i've invaded this poor boy's privacy, even if i've seen him rarely and spoken to him once. is that very odd, that i feel like i'm offending him by liking him? he doesn't know, he'll never know, and it'll never amount to mattering much on his end of the universe, but still...the fact remains...and you know, i'm only like that with me. with others, who shall remain nameless ^-^, who visibly like certain people, profess it openly and often, watch them with the eyes of a rabid lion mommy over their limping runt cub, and are just amusing as hell when they squeal "he's getting lunch early! oh my god, he still has ten minutes yet!!! what's wrong?!" - now see, i think that's all fine and cute. but i don't know. my karma just seems toxic enough to kill spirits.

i'm sure that'll come in handy someday, but not when i'm in highschool and i think a boy is cute.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)