dealing with the hand of desire's thing

8:25 p.m. x 2004-02-25

i've been in the throes of feeling peculiar lately. i'm sure the feeling of being an excess is completely alien to some people who can't imagine the wheels daring to turn if they weren't there to jeer them on - have you ever been racked with insecurity in your LIFE??? you ask enough desperate questions. maybe it'd be good for you to assume that YES, we do all think you are stupid and don't put forth any sense of intelligence or insight towards our conversations. just carry that around for a week or two and come back and value this a little bit more.

it's a shame, that you're a nice person and all, but you are discourteous. so much so that it often isn't worth trying to work around. it upsets me how now it doesn't seem like very much is worth working around. before, it would be if someone hurt my feelings, i'd smooth everything over so that there was no unsightly animosity. now, though, i'd just like people to really realize and analyze how these things feel, mull over them a bit and come back with an ounce of INSIGHT.

christ how i hate to be bitter. but i have to expell this from my system, i can't continue being a little vaccuum of gloom much longer. it isn't my thing. something outstandingly good should happen soon, like i should go see SCARLING. or COURTNEY LOVE or MELISSA AUF DER MAUR or A PERFECT CIRCLE live...soooooon...

i swear all this mood-swinginess is coming from the conclusion of "sex & the city". i lost it when charlotte got a picture of her baby, oh i LOST IT! urgh, i wish we had time off of school right now...i just don't want to make the commute, i don't want the DRUDGERY! i'm a physical wreck, my moods are ravaged beyond belief...i just need a little time to collect myself. i say this, as i take a quizilla test that tells me: "you are rizzo the rat: you have few friends, but are loyal to those you do have. maybe if you didn't smell like sewage you would have more".

maybe?

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11