9:29 p.m. x 2004-09-06
so, having had one very philosophical bath just now, i feel like dirtying up dland with my insights on the shifting of social dynamics that have occured as of late (i say "shifting of social dynamics" and you know
i mean "paranoid high school bullshit"). yes, so - i can't speak for others, all i know is my angle in the shifting, and that is...well...
...i don't really have a concrete problem with anybody. i know this person has a problem with this person, and this person is pissing this person off with talking about such and such, blah, you know. i'm sure it's happening to everyone now, it's september. so everyone is having an indescrepency - and i KNOW because I KNOW EVERYTHING, and you should know that by now, too, i know that i've gotten dragged into it.
??? - yeah, i know, i won't even approach that with a red hot poker the size of the beatles' release catalog. again, high school bullshit.
but it IS important to ME that everyone know i still think of them as i first encountered them. tweak is still marvelously, mind-blowingly wow, clare is still the über-conversationalist who i psycho-pizza with, kara's still so sexy!, paul has humerous asthma, - you get the drill.
not the faintest what anyone's impression of me was/is. hopefully not "maniacal pervert" or "secret man" or something to such an effect (...i wonder...). although i've been under the impression as of late that someones have had considerable trouble with their impressions of me.
well...all right, there isn't much i can do about myself in the personality department. allow me to request that you graciously accept my erratic moods, that, despite all, rarely keep me from responding to jokes and enjoyment, and my aloofness which is never the fault of others but a purely internal shitstorm, and my tendency to go unguarded and feel as if i can talk about anything with the people i consider to be my friends. god, that can be such a BITCH!, right (this entry is funny to me, i hope the lightheartedness is poking its head out of any bitterness)?! and that's the most i can do, is ask that you can brush all my infinite amount of defects aside, because i'd hope you'd know how goddamn weird you are (that's the most inoffensive thing ever, viewer - everybody's so goddamn weird that nobody can stand each other) and that i obviously appreciate you anyway.
I KNOW IT'S HARD!, that some people are maniacally empassioned in departments we may all not be so deep into (such as religion and politics, for example), some people have vastly different dimensions of feeling when it comes to certain boys!, and not some people but EVERYBODY!!! needs to RELAX ABOUT IT!!! because EVERYTHING/EVERYBODY IS GOING TO CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and, on a final note, if there is any definite social rule that always holds true, it is the enigma of "sides" isn't true in the slightest way. if it were all as easy as 1 vs 2 and A vs B, that's so mockingly simple i could cry. it's not "siding", it's "alienating", and it's ALWAYS you and NEVER them.
repeat that last part now: "it's ALWAYS you and NEVER them." and "now we grieve cause now is gone" and "things were good when we were young"...
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start