sometimes our motivations are tied up in what we feel

6:51 p.m. x 2005-03-01

this sweater is my best friend...it's a size "18/20", which is too big, and it's from lane bryant, where clothes are very big to begin with. also cool are the pictures of hole unplugged (writing it now i see that as such a weird statement). they remind me, though, that my hair is in a state of immense hatred towards the rest of the world.

i think all manifestations of buried reaction, all somatic evidence of stress about everything...it's all coming out my hair. my hair has gone crrr-A-zy.

so i take this time, this little triumph of my mood, my state, to appreciate nice things. nice things are as follows...

1. THIS KID i met in the waiting room. she was very on-it, very smart, very cool (read: flaming democrat). i have met a lot of cool kids lately, i really appreciate kids a lot. i feel bad that people talk to them like they're brain damaged and mood disordered (because even if they are, they don't respond to that).
2. THESE SONGS "masked ball" by jocelyn pook...ALWAYS, the coolest song of all time..."gold dust woman" by hole, anything by hole is so uplifting, "let's go to bed" by the cure is the best pop song ever devised and so much better than all the bullshit abounding the radio...

and if i may hault this list of good things to bitch momentarily, we just got XM radio in the car. in a great display of inanity: my sister plays the exact same radio station on that as on our old radio. i still cannot use it at all.

back to the good shit.

3. COMPLIMEEENTS it hasn't been a week of hostile comments, which is good, because it had been a barren wasteland of them for a while...and i've heard very nice things about me lately ('sright, it's all fucking about me, argh). even if i think everything about my appearance has worsened a little, it's fantastic to hear otherwise.
4. WRITING but this always kicks ass.

i'm going to go STARE AT MYSELF. and WILL MY BANGS TO GROW BACK (they're slightly em-eye-aye).

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11