You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

today a friend of mine was explaining how important nirvana's "nevermind" was to her growing up, and so i decided to reflect upon the albums that have aided in my wild and turbulent trek through COLOREDPENCILMELTDOWN!:

SERPENTINE GALLERY - switchblade symphony

this was when buying a cd was the biggest deal of all time. i didn't own any, i had no prior knowledge of what music was outside of elton john's score for "the lion king". i had been up at inconvinient hours listening to "gutter glitter" on napster and was sick with anticipation. i had pictures of tina root PLASTERED around my bed, which was a coveted spot once (now it's bald, because so many eyes have disoriented, driven me into dressing in the adjacent bathroom). this sounds like kneeling on my floor back when i had a red quilt on my bed and manda and i would watch crazy shit on bravo! and talk about anime for the length&width of three french films.

PRETTY ON THE INSIDE - hole

a blatant lie. it's their whole discography and quite especially "my body the hand grenade" but now i think this one made the lasting impression. but this generated the most enduring warmth and zen of total understanding, and supplied the hissing and buzzing behind most of my favorite memories. this goes hand-in-hand with marilyn manson's discography, and "dicknail" and "the love song" are married in my mind. a strong case could also be made for "celebrity skin", which i think opened the doors to everything that kicked ass in high school. but i always hum and sing from "pretty on the inside". it was just there the whole time, nodding.

CLEAR HEARTS GREY FLOWERS - jack off jill

and let me begin with the tumultuous tale of me being like what 4'11" and insane, and getting whisked into a "room" that wasn't real and doesn't exist anymore, where there was a cd player that didn't work, and this guy who graduated afterwards to become a career UNIMART EMPLOYEE!, he swung me back and said "you'll like this". which was the first time a) anybody took the energy to introduce me to a band, not too great an expenditure but i appreciated it it b) high school scared the living shit out of me. i never did anything with this valuable gift until i saw JACK OFF JILL popping up rudely on my monitor and i listened to three amazon samples (back when there were only five) and went HOLY FUCK! because...i heard this all ready, i don't own this all ready?! manda was with me, and i dragged her out to the farthest reaches of retail-dom to buy both albums, and she slept the ride back and i listened to this one. "sexless demons & scars" i set aside for easter, and "clear hearts grey flowers" lulled me, still lulling.

REVOLVER - the beatles

hop back in this diary and BE SCARED OF ME, and my ravenous beatles preoccupation that exists to this day. i never de-obsess, things just overlap. this is my favorite album because it was the genesis of the SOUS-MARINE JAUNE, possibly the apex of awesomeness and everything good about life in high school. i also owe "i'm only sleeping" for many good moods. i had this crazy craving of interspercing beatles material and lacuna coil, evanescence, kittie, and drain sth. this was all i listened to for the entirety of tenth grade, i believe.

TAXIDERMY - queen adreena

i listened to "pretty polly" every day in eleventh grade. recently i went over all the cds full of burned material from napster and kazaa and much of it was queen adreena. this album makes me feel active and happy, and surrounded by people. when i was in the deepest throes of "i adore you", things were kicking ass. i'll be happy about that forever. also there was much insistance about this album getting play in and around my trip with clare to outer banks. this, "chgf", bikini kill, "alright, this time just the girls"...the blue whale...crazy hoes.

GREATEST HITS, VOLUME 1 - the smiths

morrissey is the voice of the season. the smiths made me believe in a thing called love. this album was the golden age of affection and ease, dancing in the snow outside of applebee's. it's crazy because i bought this cd because of "the rules of attraction". i saw it on ondemand and then freaked out, dragged my mom out to coconuts and bought this...there was no smiths in "the rules of attraction"! and i'd never heard them before. it was strange, but ultimately for the best.

HONORABLE MENTIONS: "when the kitestring pops" by acid bath, "auf der maur" by melissa auf der maur, "los angeles" by x, "freaks of nature" by drain sth, "rotten apples: the greatest hits" by the smashing pumpkins (and accompanying videocasette!)*, "greatest hits" by bjork

* - has loomed behind many, many pivotal scenes. the smashing pumpkins in general, for having broken up at the beginning of my high school career, have done an incredible job of attaching themselves to numerous pivotal scenes throughout my adolescence. whatintheheck?! no...i love "rhinoceros".

(music deserves more entries, soon.)

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)