skipping like a stone

10:19 p.m. x 2005-05-24

i look foreward to things!!!

mostly, though, i look foreward to sleep. i have rested so sparingly. as of late i have slept and ate in sparse increments which lead me to do too much of both when the oppertunity strikes. i lie down everywhere and eat everything because moments from that point i'll be running around somewhere. i like the pace, but it'll be much nicer post-high school. because that's six hours of tense meandering. i then go do the same thing at POE ("place of employment") but i need not even mention it's advantage over school.

yesterday i worked, i thought, until ten...quite late...but then it seemed the schedule said i had another half-hour tacked onto that. whaaat? so at ten everything shut off, lights included. people working late seem to just mill around in the dark and fold quietly. i sat behind a shelf and "folded" the same row of boy's polos over and over. at around ten-twenty-five i'd had it, so i walked towards the communal office. i was a matter of feet away from the door when the manager walked out.

the manager had a darth vader head, helmet, mask and sound device...the whole shebang. it scared thee living SHIT out of me. i scrambled away in the other direction. before being dragged back by a classmate of andy's, who is my coworker. the guy gave the whole "meeting", which closes the day's activities i guess, with the voice-changer. i was propped into a corner, witless, and was then propelled into the communal office where i grabbed my belongings and bolted off, sobbing nervously.

i'm perfectly fine working there. but there are jobs i'd be much better at. ones that didn't make me quite so tense. when it comes to customers and the register, i'm all aces. i'm totally relaxed and happy. it's rhythmic, it's a chance to talk to people and catch up with my unconscious recesses which entertain me while i ring up their ugly capri pants. i don't mind it at all. i'd enjoy it much more and kick way more ass if i were employed at a borders or a barnes & noble, where i could instruct customers on the floor layout and relate to their merchandise selections, which i cannot here. but hey. it's fine for what it is.

my coworkers have created this tense, unreal atmosphere that sucks those wearing nametags in like a black hole. as a unit they're one big standoffish male who doesn't do his job really all right. there are things still nobody can explain to me about certain workplace functions...my boss dresses like darth vader...as long as they keep pairing me with andy's classmate kelly, who wants to be a math teacher and has been working at POE longer than i, i'll be pretty okay. also two other girls who i never work with are really awesome. i want to work with them...

another cool employee is, i believe, mildly retarded. she is the most capable person there, and she worked with me yesterday. to have somebody capable there was awesome - i felt okay about things even though i couldn't understand much of what she told me.

awesome.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11