11:28 p.m. x 2005-06-27
today was the ONLY day i worked this week and
we finished ten minutes early and
all these people asked if i wanted a ride home! i didn't think anybody knew who i was!
i do not like to fold women's clothes or girls' clothes, so i don't. i fold boys' and i fold men's. i like the energy better. men are exotic to me. i'm mystified. especially by collared shirts. all i do the last half hour i'm at work is play with collared shirts. i have to be retrained because they're all ready doing things differently!
(i've encountered several people with pets named "pushkin". several.)
i have an abusive love-hate relationship with the first-person. not when i'm writing as me and i'm writing in here, but writing fictionally as somebody else in the first-person, after less than a page i HATE that person and the whole thing is ruined.
unless they have a very specific syntax and a way with words that are tolerable and interesting. i've written one thing that's like fifteen pages of present-tense, first-person inner monologue and i happen to think that it kicks ass. i want to revise it and punch-up some of the wording but i feel like i'm going to wait, because i have to finish catcher in the rye first. that might ruin first-person for me for a while yet, i think.
i wish i could write a book as dirty as lolita and not have it seem dirty in the least, like lolita. it sounds so freaking sweet and sincere but it's sooo sycophantic. it's sooo deceptive. the end of alice is awesome because it's modern and it's outright, but it's very blunt. it's very obvious and filthy and one of my faaavorite books, but it doesn't practice deception like lolita does. i really noticed it in the movie, the '97 one, how seductive the phraseology of humbert was, and he really made me cringe in the scene with the magic fingers bed. he says to lo, "my magic fingers aren't enough?" and it reminded me of having a boyfriend when i really didn't need one, and how that was really something i worried about. and that was not that situation at all that was WORSE! it made me *shudder*.
i have to start ordering off of amazon now that i'm hooked up with the income thing. i have to build my library for my private practice! i'm going to have the greatest office someday. the thing that i thought about that's quite cool is that if i'm a therapist, i work around the casual person's schedule. i'd have these sweet little afternoon hours, like now except i'd be SITTING and i'd be doing what i looooooove which is listening to other people and talking to them about stuff. i don't care what they'd want to talk about, it doesn't even have to be anything dire.
and my library will KICK ASS (the library at the building i went to, i guess i don't go there now, really sucked and i want them to punch it up a little, and i'm going to donate money to them when i'm famous).
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start