11:40 p.m. x 2005-07-23

i worked from eleven to seven-thirty today, after which i was very tired. it could've been more daunting than it was but it was STILL not pleasant to stand that long. i don't know what i'm saying, though, i could be working in a restaurant for christ's sake. after this was done i went, and i bought some books on violence in childhood, and there was still something...missing...

and do you know what that something was? well i'll tell you. this guy i like, i say, he's in a band? yes? not MY type of band (it would be so great if it was a rapper but, no, rest assured, i'm still not that interesting), but i have been dedicating time lately to try and listen to their music and at least bob my head, tolerate its aural presence. sound is hard for me to tolerate. i may listen to my headset at maximum, but that's a sound i want to hear. so i've tried adjusting myself to this. i said: k, go for it, just jump in and throw your arms up and buy the damn thing. listen to it. get used to it.

so i did this, and i went home, and after putting it off for a few hours...i listened to it. and i say...it's not ALL bad. they could definitely benefit from some finessing in the lyrical department, varying drum arrangements and other such things. focus better, maybe. i had low expectations for it. i paid full price for it because i am a witless, skanky ho for their lead singer. clare and i will go see them in concert. it will be a shameless exhibition of all i've worked hard to cultivate, all that staid, impenetrable cool will crash over me and i will be reduced to a pitiful puddle of teenage girl.

for THIS (or perhaps this?). it's all about that and "fire walk with me". i LOVE "fire walk with me" it is my FAVORITE MOVIE. I STARE AT HIM AND LISTEN TO THE "FIRE WALK WITH ME" SOUNDTRACK AND I TRY TO NOT THINK ABOUT HOW I CANNOT ACCOMPLISH THE SIMPLEST TASKS. or, that's the plan.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)