a paper boat on heavy seas

9:49 p.m. x 2005-08-21

dear diaryland, i figure i know you well enough. as well as anybody. to get you acquainted with a few things about me you maybe didn't know before, or had an uneasy feeling about but never felt comfortable bringing up around me (that's because you are polite, dland, your mama raised you right).

i had this in my mind once: the scariest person. because once i was afraid of everybody. but i concocted thee SCARIEST person, then the WORST person. and you're all - why would anybody want to think about that??? well i tell ya, i had the scariest person and the worst person near me all the time so that i never veered into one or the other.

then one day, in...hmm, fourth grade, i had my reasons. one day i became terrible and affronting. i learned this worked in my favor on the odd occassion. i could relax it then, and i could go back to normal. people would eventually realize i was really cool. well, time wore on, and it became more and more compulsive to veer into SCARIEST or WORST.

now i swear to you it is all the time. i feel that if a person gets to know me, gets into me, that is what they will encounter. i can talk to them, make them happy, help them, on a superficial level.

kid - you get respect for getting to know me THAT WELL THAT FAST to have hit, within a week!, the SCARIEST and the WORST in me.

i all ready know that i'm terrible.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11