9:42 p.m. x 2005-08-23
on my free-day, i had to go to the DENTIST. i got up this morning to go to the DENTIST which would've SUCKED if that was all that was in the foreseeable future for today except it wasn't! i was supposed to hang out with jimmy, but i couldn't get a hold of anything but his ringback tone ("st. jimmy", incidentally, and it's pretty rad). but i got to hook-up with alexander and kara. kara's been a really tremendous help, and i'm really glad alexander understands my feelings. at least, he tries, and that goes some ways, and i'm over the moon that we're friends. i think he is blighted. it's fine to be blighted, especially as long as you listen...
do you know what this situation feels like? house of incest. ever read it? it is just as coherent.
but my day today was very nice, once it is considered i was so angry yesterday that i spoke nonstop about it (most of the time not about any one issue, but just that i was so fucking AAAANGRY) and then passed out. i woke up at 5 a.m. today because my sleep was really disturbed and wrought with awful things, so i milled around and read about things that were worse. then, yeah, the dentist, etc...
i sang "the fox" by sleater-kinney after that. i was all by myself and turned it up really loud and BELTED, stamping around my sunroom resentfully (the noun in that song is actually totally wrong in my present situation, i just love that song).
i sit down then and i say to myself, i say "hey 3.0 college student whose life is in great order who is healthy..." and then the phone rings and i don't get to finish my thought, but instead i get to play durak (i lost this time) and watch "snakeater II". which kicked my ass (did he mean ace?). i have another cd from kara, kararama! volume FIVE.
i have lately had the feeling of running a fever and of things diffusing in the back of my head (what could that be...).
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start