You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

i have so much anger, so little respect, so much disgust for a person that just sits there gawking at how mean i can be when i haven't been mean at all. just wait until you see mean, until you react to mean. that'll be fucking crazy. i don't think i've let you know how bad you've hurt me and it's going to suck for you when you find out.

how is it that you can't accept that you've hurt another person? can't you confront the fact that you've done wrong in an EXTREME sense and maybe you don't know why you've done something wrong...

but she's only going to get sicker if...

go home. go home. go home. go home. go home.

and you, other you, go concentrate. go get that that i know is in you, that perspective and that judgement. stop being stupid because you are NOT. but go sit down and find that and relax. talk to me about it, talk to a professional about it. figure through the process all the whys and they're gonna hurt and they're gonna suck, and you're inevitably going to run into that you have bad qualities.

I'M A SCARY, MANIACAL LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER. i move on.

you've got bad things in you. you do bad things. it's not a revelation, it is part of the deal if you want there to be anything good about you.

the people you've been with a trivialities. they are not relevant except in a way that they should make you wonder before you do things, how it's gonna be after the fact. that's all. they aren't telling of your quality as a human being.

excuse me but duuuuuh, okay, they sucked. so does he. because he made me so mad and was so coercive with me and i told him then fuck it, you be good to her. and i don't like it, i'm not happy with the result. unless you exhalt him and are the happiest you'll ever be in your entire life, which you are not. he didn't keep his end of the bargain.

so, i'm pissed.

but i have the satisfaction of knowing that it'll ruin itself and you can move on and be happy. there are good things for you and you shouldn't worry about it.

i feel raped. but not necessarily bad. not as bad as before. but i need to get this stuff out of my way.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)