12:18 a.m. x 2005-10-14
i spent the entire day procrastinating and avoiding my english assignment like the plague and, considering that, it's coming along just fine.
i fucking can't stand it, though.
tonight jimmy and i reconvened and i missed clare immensely. i miss EVERYBODY immensely and it's AWESOME that i get to see jimmy, clare and kara with great regularity, but i bitterly miss everybody else.
there are good things about nobody knowing me at half-college but there are definite bad things. in high school everybody knew me and they knew that i am smart.
i hate school. i will never like school. i want to get a degree, but i will never enjoy the process. i hate the institution. i hate classroom settings. i hate the work. i don't hate the principle...i love to LEARN and i love to read about new ideas, etc. all that bullshit.
but to me school has nothing to do with it. it's formality and it looks at everything wrong and it's distracting. i fucking understand that i want a doctorate and that means LOTS OF SCHOOL, no shit. no shit that's a lot of fucking work. i love psychology, i love helping people, i love talking to people, etc. i'm willing to do ANYTHING to make it into my livlihood.
but i won't enjoy it.
i loved psych, though. i got a good grade in that. but that was my style, that teacher lectured and we read and i was totally into everything and it was EXACTLY what i was into and how i learn. i didn't get an A, i got a B, because i don't give a shit BECAUSE IT'S STILL SCHOOL.
AND I HATE SCHOOL.
if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start