You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

had a nice exchange with the boy in my english class and i think we'd make great friends. so far all of the people who've given me the time of day and a decent word have been guys, which is completely twilight zone when compared to high school and, frankly, awesome. i am always up for manfriends.

isabella rossellini's hands are a lot like mine, only bigger. manlier. i got the special edition of "blue velvet", along with "love & death" and "naked lunch" the other day. the first time i saw "blue velvet" was maniacally awkward. my living room and kitchen cohabitate, and my mom was in the kitchen and i was very geared to see this, and it was on late, and she sleeps in the living room (because she's strange like that). so i was holding her in the kitchen while i was watching this, which was in turn keeping her up because it was still...i still could've gone either way, i was either in phase-mode or this would be something she would always endure; loud expletetives and kyle maclachlan.

here's to consistency!

this is day two of not exactly having a computer. i have this one but it isn't MY computer with all of my "BELONGINGS" on it. and this layout thing. i have a "blue velvet" one, but i'm fucking tired. if what is supposed to happen on november 12th happens, there will be a huge, HUGE celebration. i will spare no expenses. i will buy party favors. i will lavish certain parties with gifts beyond their wildist, most NC17 imaginations.

he will feel a miniscule ping of what i've had to feel OVER AND OVER AGAIN on an hourlyfuckingbasis for the past month+. eeeuugh. and yeah, i'm not exaggerating. his torment will be a microcosm of mine because he has enamourment but i have LOVE and until somebody else has L-O-V-E for you, i won't let them go to auchwitz with your integrity. AH, they just said "superchilled" on TV!!!

(p.s., i was awake in all of my classes today and i felt really good. but i need to email my counselor now. NOW, K. NOW.)

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)