i become what you became to me

12:34 a.m. x 2006-05-27

i have concievibly filled up nine pages of my fiction diary with "oh god" or "please god" or some variant therein. something like that. i've said it a lot. when i say it it's usually flippant but when i write it, as the case is here, i'm actually tapping said deity on the shoulder and eliciting notice towards my plea or wish or question.

i find it hard to talk about religion because it is such an individual-basis sort of matter. i don't have any desire to make somebody else understand my religious convictions, because they should just respect them regardless, as is the practice of a decent human being. but yeah...i am of the belief that things are taking me on a little course through which i will reach my desired destination. i'm generally secure about having found my place in the universe and all of that. i generally don't worry. i have very little cause over which to worry, my life is very nice.

i just need to learn the coping skills required in order to handle it like the nice life that it is, and not like what my mind paints it to be. i can rationalize and appreciate and be totally astounded by what i have going for me, what i have around me...i CAN do that. but i also can't control and utterly despise what my mind warps it into. i know it's not how things really are, but i still have to live with it. and it isn't a good thing.

and that's going to be fixed. because i must be enabled to kick as much ass as i possibly can. it's what god intended.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11