You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

lots of plan mix-up wackiness today. yesterday clare cancelled our plans, which i'd all ready cencelled plans for, and today my mom told me we would go out and we didn't. she tried to make it up to me but by the time we'd get up there it'd be too late. but i did get to talk to kara and ALLISON! allison from school called me, and i hadn't seen her/spoken to her in pretty much a semester. so i was ecstatic about that. we talked for an hour-ish...i called clare in the dead of night last night, and she was awesome. yeah, crazy shit.

today scott ian of anthrax made me smile. i have a small crush on him. if i watched tv a lot i'd be into "supergroup" because i think he's so adorable. and sebastian bach amuses the hell out of me, and i think ted nugent is one of the few individuals with an ego to rival mine. so that's a brilliant contingent of souls. thanks, vh1.

i wanted to walk today but i'm not physically up to it. my leg muscles haven't re-assembled and i walk with a gait. so i'll end up useless if i continue at this pace. but i still wanted to.

last night was "mega"-strange. last night into today. my aunt's in the hospital. duff's not doing too great. i felt bad calling clare late knowing she wasn't in a great mood but i'm so grateful that she listened to me. i was so so happy, she made me feel a lot better and gave me the motivation to do what i needed to do.

what an odd, odd time i'm having...clare's mom says that i create a lot of it in my head. my old best friend used to say i exaggerated and made the biggest deals out of everything that people typically wouldn't bother about...i spend a lot of time trying to make it look like i don't care about things and then freaking out about them in private and sobbing uncontrollably. last night it got to the point where i wasn't concerned with looking like i didn't care anymore.

i'm ashamed of my chemical imbalance and i can't wait to get to repairing the aspects of my life that it warps and distorts. cause i've got an awesome life...

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)