4:57 p.m. x 2006-07-10

so i've decided to surrender, for better or for worse, this one thing that's been troubling me. first, though, to interject, i can't stand the sound of the fucking vacuum. all right - so i was having a problem with my one friend. she had repeatedly done things that antagonized me and made me very angry over one of the most sensitive issues i've ever had. it was hellish. it made it a lot worse than it could've been. it really compounded the suck to not only have her not understand but to then use it against me.

so i was going to tell her that. that what she did was so wrong by me as a friend. and i thought "...that won't do me any good at all". i really don't think it'd do me any good at all to tell her that that hurt me. because no shit it hurt me. she did it to hurt me. i bet if something like that happened she'd do it again. the repulsion overwhelmed me. i didn't want to say anything. i didn't want to think about it. it was too stupid.

but it's her problem, not mine. and there's a good way to keep her problem from impeding upon me...

...anyway, that's behind me now. it really is trite and not worth the concern. i was really beset by it. if she changes, then she changes, and if not, then...well, right now there are better things to concentrate on. i have to stop letting things make me a flustered pepper.

because things are good. i forgot how much i LOVE "bicycle race".

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)