You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

you wouldn't want me to be self-pitying, even though i am pretty fucking furious with myself at the moment.

"did she say that?"
"possibly."

how about "NO"?! SHE DIDN'T SAY THAT.

FUCK.

"why is this a factor?!" YOU MADE IT ONE. IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN AN ISSUE AT ALL IF YOU'D GONE TO ME. if you'd merely asked me the following day "how is it going, how is it now" if you were concerned...i'm so fucking frustrated with myself. UGH. anything more i need to say i need to say privately. i apologize profusely to both parties being referenced in this entry. please do note that nobody else will understand. i haven't spoken to anybody about it and i don't plan to.

i just drank a maple frappacino really god damn fast. EUUUUUGH. FFFUUUCCCKKK.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)