10:22 p.m. x 2007-01-15

there's a band called "a billion ernies" and something that kara refers to as "fetusface". both intrigue me.

i asked my mom on saturday if i could go to the mall today. i went and accomplished what i set out to do, but not before she completely lost her mind about the way i was dressed. it's one thing to object about the way that i'm dressed. it's another to almost cry over it and throw your hands in your lap and yell. especially concerning matters like that, just taking me aside and saying discretely, i think your skirt's a little short, that does fine. but she freaked out. and because she reacted so irrationally, i yelled at her to calm down. because she makes a big thing out of everything, and everything like that is so heartbreaking to her and she has to SCREAM IT in front of everybody. and if i tell her to calm down - which is being disrespectful, to tell her to cool it - she enters into a tirade about how much she lays off me, and how big a whore i am and she doesn't say anything.

so i'm not supposed to say anything about what a whackjob she is because she refrains from telling me what a slut i am? nice.

my mother's insane and i don't pay any attention to her. but it'd be nice if we could just go to the mall without her getting so flustered she can't go into a store with me. she just stayed in the car because she didn't think she could be in public with me. what nonsense.

but it's fine.

i was really perplexed and mortified by my behavior the night before last. i was afraid jimmy had done something, and he hadn't. and there was no reason in the world for me to think that other than pervasive insecurity. so i felt very bad and contacted him to apologize, and not only was he very understanding and wasn't bothered at all, but he invited me to go with he and his family to see 1964 in february! it is so devastatingly cute that he calls them the beatles. i love my jimmy ^-^. so we discussed this, then we convened for a brief encounter. it was stupendous, except the past two times we've convened, it's been in his basement - twice with his parents awake upstairs - and that's extremely sketchy. albeit fantastically comfortable and sexy. the light is awesome, the carpeting is nice. there's an ominous little clown doll sitting on the bed watching us. it's awesome. i love it down there. the only difficult thing is that we have to be so quiet.

when we go to the concert, we'll be staying at his grandmother's. that will be a party. oh man i'm so excited! i love spending time with that kid. i love his arms and his eyes and his smile and how well he knows me, and sharing experiences with him and hearing his voice and nuzzling up to him...

gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)