what i resist persists and speaks louder than i know, what i resist, you love, no matter how low or high i go

12:12 a.m. x 2007-02-05

my lip has split down the middle, and it is vastly unpleasant. i have an english exam tomorrow. when i started taking math in the summer, i knew within a week or so that i couldn't handle the pace and it would be to my benefit to drop the course (which my mother wouldn't let me do, which resulted in my failing, which she understands was her fault, just like most things that transpired over the summer...bah). but that's been the only case where i've considered dropping a course, and it had a very very good reason behind it. i've struggled in other classes, but stuck it out as much as i could, often attaining Bs in many of those attempts. it is extremely rare that i just back out of something.

but i want to withdrawl from american lit just because i hate it. i'm not going to because i'd need to sign up for another class to keep my status as a full-time student and i can't do that, but if i could, i would. just because the teacher infuriates me and her teaching style is absurd for how old we are and the kind of class it is and the material SUCKS. it sucked when i was a junior in high school. it sucks now, even more so because my eleventh grade english teacher thought i was mildly intelligent, if not terrifyingly intimidating (she didn't care for my writing), and respected my understanding of the materials, but this woman does not. she belittles everyone's input, shoots down all attempts to talk about the material in absolutely any other context beyond exactly when it happened and what was going on at the time. no looking back, no looking ahead - the pilgrimas and the puritans are their own little island in time and REALLY...it'd do well as a lecture course. it sort of is one in disguise. she lectures for almost all of class. but she grades the journals beastly and asks for input she doesn't want!

the journals are a stupid idea. they're there just so she can prove us wrong. asking for our input isn't good either. we will never be right. i have no idea what this test will even be on! the material is so convoluted! BAH!

in much much better news...jimmy called me last night, and immediately expressed how happy and relieved he was to hear my voice after a hellish day at work. we talked for a bit and he told me how profoundly grateful and happy he is for everything i do for him, which was so amazing to hear *^-^*. then he drove to my house and i laid in his arms and ohhhhh wow! i love jimmy so dearly. and i love his skin. that young man has some quality skin. his face is insanely soft. i love it!

i ought to make the valiant attempt at studying now. i have quite a day ahead of me with that. and jimmy and i are going to make fondu, since i bought so much white chocolate the other day. i'm making him crepes for valentine's day, and i bought an intimidating block of white chocolate. so to remedy his illness, which is refusing to leave, i'm going to pilfer his fondu virginity. i think it will make a positive impact on his immune system.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11