You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

ALIYA VISIT '07 today. she came by in a blink on very short notice, but any amount of aliya is brisk and refreshing. she, kara and i improvised on my bed. "azumanga daioh", nun puppets and drawings of fish abounded. after aliya was scooped back up by her dad, kara and i hit the sushi and grabbed rita's on the way home. i'm very stuffed. it was an accomplishment.

work was really horrible, though. i had some pretty intolerable customers. one woman was so outraged that i unfolded her clothes, which i had to do to ring her up. the way she folded them obscured all the tags. when she pointed out that i'd unfolded them, hollaring "why would you do that?!", getting very snappy and remarking at how wrinkled everything would get. at this point, i'd just finished scanning her whole purchase. i hadn't rung her up yet, hadn't begun to bag. she accused me of bagging them without re-folding, but when in the fuck was i supposed to have done that? i do re-fold. i do it as i'm bagging. we hadn't even approached that stage yet. it was absurd. she was very mean.

women who care (what are by my standards) way too much about the state of their clothes before they're even purchased fucking ANNOOYYYY MEEEEEEEEE AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!! it shouldn't matter how it looks when you bag it. go home and WASH IT, hoes! a lot of the stuff in our store has been returned by an individual less cleanly than even you, you who wears clothes freshly bought without first washing them.

that drives me bats. when i think someone invests too much importance into something petty, like folding shirts...or cleaning rooms...i'm sure there are examples excluding ones regarding cleanliness...my parents are fucking MAD about the state of my and my siblings' rooms. like, insane mad. ugh.

but it wasn't just the customers. i got horrifically upset at one point and felt really down, but it was the middle of things and i didn't feel like causing a scene, so i didn't cry. by the time i went on my break i just felt like shit. i got to talk to kara about it a little bit. i've just felt really beaten down with things lately. things that mean a lot to me, if something is up it'll really destroy me. but i think that it's all fixable. i just need to open myself up to talking about it. all the talking i've done has helped so far.

i guess it isn't that offensive, and he's not saying things to be mean...but every other girl looks like that. i don't understand why you can't be happy that you have me, and i don't look like anyone else (you know, within reason). i'm special. i guess that it hurts to feel that i don't feel as special to him. i'm beginning to feel condemned for all the parts about me that are different. that's not how it should be. i'd never dream of doing that to you.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)