1:59 a.m. x 2007-10-07

i remember a day last october when i laid across the backseat of the car with my head in jimmy's lap, and it was the middle of the day, so it was clear and the weather was good. i could see everything. i felt warm but not hot. i felt chilly enough to need the body heat. i remember the sky. i remember how full of hope i was.

i don't even have words for this. i can't even tangibly explain what i'm so sad about, why i can't stop crying. it's nothing i can grasp onto. don't think i'm coming down with a case of the memories, though. i just wanted to share that one with you.

i really think that i am mourning something i never had in the first place, because i still have so much that i can't figure out what's missing. it was never there. it's just the hollow space i gashed out with all that hoping. this is the last thing i want to be talking about.

but i don't miss anything.

i look foreword.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)