You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

complete disgust.

you jump down my throat when i'm sad because if something is wrong, it must be me. i must not be doing things right. instead of making me feel better, that's what you tell me. that is absurd. my situation right now is not awesome. i am not feeling my best. i am tired. i miss my friends. i miss having friends close to me. you are saying that is a character defect that i cannot flip a switch and fix that automatically.

i don't make friends easily, but when i find someone i want to be friends with who wants to be friends with me, i am on fire. i love having friends. i love the friendships i have now more than anything. i met kara five years ago. amanda three. amber two. lexi and akasha one. that is not overnight. i knew kara, amanda and amber for a very long time before getting very close to them. i am still getting used to the circumstances under which i met lexi and akasha. SOME OF MY PAST CLOSE FRIENDSHIPS HAVE FUCKING SUCKED. i am careful now about who i let in. i want a good friend, but almost as much if not slightly more i do NOT want a bad friend.

ugh.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)