You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

jimmy didn't come out today. last night i was really exhausted and nervous-sick and had to go to sleep around nine or ten because i was so overwhelmed with stuff. i woke up around one and took a shower and curled up in bed and called him. we talked about what we were going to do. he called me back a few minutes after hanging up and said he didn't have the money to go, so he wasn't going to go. even though i was going to reimburse him as soon as he got here, he wasn't going to come.

so i got extremely upset and started crying and he hung up. i called my mom (who usually goes to bed around eight) at two and she picked up and talked to me. i hyperventilated because i was so angry/upset/depressed with so many things. something else had all ready happened earlier that day to put a rock in my stomach.

my dad came up today to have dinner with me. we went to olive garden and he got me salmon. then we went to wegman's and he got me some more water and ramen. i was really happy that he did that. as soon as he left, literally, my new friend jordan called and asked if i wanted to come with she and arlene to denny's! so i went with them and arlene's little sister giselle, who gave me a giant hug when she saw me, and i had a slice of pie and coffee. it was, sadly, not cherry pie, but the order was a reverent gesture towards agent cooper, because i got myself to sleep last night watching "twin peaks".

after denny's, i hung out on their floor for a while and did an orange jello shot full of triplesec, which would be the first shot i've ever taken of any sort. i went back to arlene's house for a little bit and watched "the addams family" with giselle. afterwards, i was smuggled into a bar and i watched their friend, who i know only as noodles, celebrate her twenty-first birthday. she did twenty-one shots in two hours, the first five within the first twenty minutes. i took some very beautiful pictures.

amanda called me when i was out with my dad. it was good to hear her voice even though she was sad. i can't wait to see her and lexi and akasha. i may even see clare over thanksgiving.

i know i'll feel better, and today was a good day. but wow. shit. i'm feeling this harder than i anticipated i would. any of this.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)