You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

my whole body feels screwed up. i have to drop impulses and ignore feelings. I HAVE TO. if i don't it will never get better for me. i have a feeling quite a bit of it is going off the hormones. i don't feel like paying for birth control anymore. at first i was going to as a convinience, but i would need to buy it tomorrow, and i need all the money i have. it would be the last refill anyway, then i'd have to go get checked up again. i'm too tired.

i have to buy my ticket home, i think. i have a feeling baconhead's gone home all ready.

i feel so sick/sad/angry. i feel humiliated. i can't fix it. it is not my problem to fix. in the past this would have been something i'd try to fix and i'd hurt myself. i know better now.

i can't make someone love and care about me, and it's ridiculous to even try, considering how many people actually do and show it. i wish he did.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)