11:49 p.m. x 2008-09-16

currently listening to: "blake says" by amanda palmer

hate, love and war
force emotions to the fore
but not for me of course
i keep mine hidden

last year i had both melody and jeremy to hang out with and now i have neither. the campus psychologist asked me the other week what i do with my time and i told him i like to read, write, take walks. and he said are you interested in people AT ALL?

which stung.

observation: melody has classic, extreme control issues due to a dominating mother. one of the points which her mother has pressed into her is that she doesn't need a man, that men are shit. so melody has the distinction of reacting against this with men-are-utterly-vital, whether or not she wants to admit it. it is one of the more baffling and complex outcomes of their shakespearean-in-magnitude power struggle. i plan on getting her to expound upon it one day because i can barely wrap my head around it.

i'm obviously teeming with bitterness and anguish. true. but i don't have anywhere else to put it. right now i need to put myself in bed. i'm getting a headache from the peanut butter and jelly ice cream (and fuck if it wasn't TOTALLY WORTH IT).

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)