tystnaden

10:53 a.m. x 2009-02-16

currently listening to: "california one" by the decemberists

for VD, jimmy and i watched "chinatown" and played rockband. he bought me salmon and i bought him pear-flavored jelly beans. after rockband i took a long bath and read the thin man. i talked to ken for the first time in months, let alone 2009.

i chilled the fuck out. you can't fathom how badly i needed to just lie down motionless.

my mom picked me up from school on friday quaking and bought me ice cream and alcohol. i babbled at her all the way to the house. i relaxed. i watched all available episodes of "united states of tara". i saw lexi and hugged lexi.

all those things were things i NEEDED to do and i am better for them. also: bang trim and new pants. i am a size 11, which is nice and pretty damn normal and the smallest size i have ever been. i can only remember being 12-14 in high school when i wasn't bigger (which i was for a significant amount of time). i don't look so deformed in pants now, which is wonderful. i am also eating a healthy amount and not starving in the least. this is incredible.

duff lost his mind over the weekend. now, i am well beyond the days of feeling bitterness towards duff for that-one-weird-time (VD, oddly, 06 - look it up [the events preceding]), but i am glad to see a breakthrough, if you want to look at it that way. he needs a change of attitude, since the same things that were getting in his way then are getting in his way now.

i, meanwhile, am hitting my stride with certain things, and lessons i learned from that experience are helping me make good decisions now.

i will be having better days from now on.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11