You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "december" by vermillion lies

caliban is only half a person at the best of times.
- john fowles, the collector

i feel like i'm perpetually frozen at a strange, unflattering angle that i don't partcularly want anyone to see me from. tomorrow i'm going to speak to my WRITING PROFESSOR in lieu of a psychologist. i will not go back to the campus one. i will talk to this man, who is just left of sgt. hartman from "full metal jacket", but obviously he cares very much about me and is very concerned for my wellbeing and can tell frankly as well as my closest friends when shit's up.

shit's up. i'm getting around it.

i talked to clare today and it was magnificent. i am going to see her over spring break. I AM GOING AND I WILL GET THERE NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES. i want to see my best friend. i want to sob into her arms and watch "snakeeater & speedboat" with her. anything. anything.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)