i love you on a tuesday moon

12:10 a.m. x 2009-03-31

feeling

1) stupid
2) abandoned
3) frustrated that i can't see how this sort of thing happens and has happened all the time and i'm better off for now
4) inarticulate
5) alienated with myself, knowing i'll find it again and i'll find it better but how rotten i feel now for knowing how much better it could be, but also how happy i've been

every time is the worst time to meet me. i like the essay i'm working on right now (i have not liked the other two that have gotten As, i hope this is not a jinx). my good grammar, punctuation and spelling may filter into here before too long. i am not so stereotypically a taurus that i can't embrace change under any circumstance but i do have such a fondness for ritual and this is definitely that. I LOVE YOU, DIARYLAND.

i love the picture of rod serling that hovers confidently above my line of vision. i love stephen fry posing gallantly amongst the statuary. i love the togapi that kara gave me, the nun finger puppet i bought with clare, the mucha calendar, my bibliotheque, the bit of french i can understand, chambord, my new sketch diary, diet dr. pepper, the class i have next year on the novel, my laundry, my parents, my typewriter necklace and that i know i'm finally making right-decisions and i love what i'm doing. i love what i do every day and i want to do it so ardently and i'm being rewarded for it, which has never happened to me in my life.

you can do what everyone wants you to do and get rewarded for following orders, or you can do what you want to do and find those people who are very important who see what you're about and who will believe in you, which is a much more useful expenditure of time. considering.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11