You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "rhapsody in blue" by george gershwin

going back at eight, am just now attempting to get any practical, school-oriented work done. i did take some notes yesterday, and i believe i have amassed enough notes to fulfill the secondary-source-criticism aspect of the assignment, which is sartre's theory of negation and the sun also rises.

i am extremely ready to go back to school now. i'm 98% over my cold and had a wonderful talk with my mom and spent a refreshingly sufficient amount of time with jimmy, considering his schedule. the atmosphere here isn't easy to tolerate for more than two days, though, and i'm ready to get out. i NEED to rearrange my room when i get home for summer because i can't even be up there now. it's phenomenally dusty and crowded, and that doesn't jive with my newly acquired claustrophobia. this has forced me downstairs, where there are three TVs on within earshot of each other at all times and everyone milling around everyone else tensely and angrily.

i made three plates of h'or-dourves with wee toasts and pesto and shrimp and they're a hit! which never happens when i make food! i'm thrilled!

recieved "city lights" and the book of repulsive women by djuna barnes to celebrate the resurrection with. kara and i watched some of "city lights" after i watched it twice alone and cried. it gets better and better. i am so excited to have a job now, so i can see more of chaplin's work. that has been so nice to be aware of during this time, when i want to focus and build some objectivity and be made, in the meantime, to smile.

with the consistent weight loss i'm feeling myself objectified and treated rudely more and more and it's fucking sucked. it is not kind attention but weird and hostile. at the same time i've made real, solid, genuine friendships with straight men, which couldn't have happened at a better time. i'm grateful to them for being such great guys and enjoying my company for the sake of my company and respecting and enjoying my intellect.

i've got so many great things going on. next year's going to be incredible. i think i'm better adapted to the kind of schedule dictated by so much writing and reading and it will be easier, even with a roommate, to handle it and not get overwhelmed. this year was busy but not overwhelming. maybe it was once or twice, but not like last spring, when i lost so much sleep i couldn't talk and lost the month of may recovering. i'm in fine shape. math class is over completely. i have a test in romantic lit and then, the next day, a 10 page paper due for modern & contemporary fiction this week (which i mentioned up there in the first paragraph). then i have my final project in creative essay, which is circa 5 pages (?! how beautiful), and then a final paper in romantic lit (3 pages!) and then one single little final, for modern & contemporary lit, on the first day of finals, at 8 a.m. - absolutely gorgeous. i have an extremely sufficient amount of time, if i pace myself correctly, to do well on everything. as soon as i get back to school i intend to commit my notes to the sartre-hemingway paper into its proto-body, which i am composing right now. i aim to have six pages done tonight, since i'm not exactly doing anything else. tomorrow i don't have class until gym, and then straight from gym to romantic lit, which - oh, i do have something to do in there. but it is small and i can do it before going to class. book report. that'll be the last proper class i'll have in romantic lit. i'm going to miss that sorely. it was a great experience, and i nailed a jeopardy category because of it, wooo!

i am going to get down to real-work (aiming for three usable pages before embarking) and try to maneuver in one more round of "city lights" so i have no excuse not to just DO MY HOMEWORK TONIGHT.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)