status quo

4:02 a.m. x 2009-05-20

currently listening to: "billie blue" by vermillion lies

regardless of signals, seriousness, consideration, respect, expectations or hours measured - tonight i sat next to somebody who stuns me and we made our first shred of physical contact. watching "the double life of veronique", our arms touched. we didn't move away from each other when we did, and stayed like that until the film was over. then we watched the first season of "twin peaks" - spontaneously - and sat with our arms locked in a criss-cross fashion, leaning into one another to laugh.

i'm not saying it meant anything, i'm saying i loved it. i loved nine hours with him in spite of stats homework, as well as him saying "i have to get to bed" seven-ish times without standing up, continuing to talk.

i don't know, though. and i'd rather enjoy it than worry about knowing.

on the subject (worry): my financial debacle turned frightening this morning as i ran out of food/money completely, and mel invited me over to make lunch with her at her house! we had sandwiches and coffee and proceeded to jaunt around the mall for an hour or so, before i recieved a call from my dad alerting me of the hundred dollars i could go recieve from western union! that, and gretchen visited WITH GROCERIES. I'M NEVER GOING TO FUCKING FORGET THAT. such an excellent gesture. she, mel and i talked. they are so great to know. i can't express it. mel is so supportive and positive and loving. and gretchen knows me. she cares and she's firm in her beliefs. she's leery of mark because of his behavior with her roommate in london (she and i are very different people but he took to us both promptly and unwaveringly in our respective circumstances).

the more i want to remark upon what a positive place i'm in with myself and how it is making this situation so manageable and pleasant, the more i am forced to remember how part of this positivity comes from my GPA this past semester, and how i have stats homewor.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11