dearest

1:48 p.m. x 2009-06-03

currently listening: "for you i hold my breath" by katie jane garside

mark invited me home with him after class is done! he didn't know the dorm closes right after classes on friday, however, and so we'll both need to locate lodgings for that night (i plan on asking mel in a few hours when i ought to be seeing her, because i've seen nowhere near enough of her since i've been here). my dad is going to come by and recieve my belongings. i would like to ask him if he would bring certain things with him so that i have them to go to mark's with, but i won't bet on anything.

regardless, i am so excited to see his house! and meet his parents! last night as we were talking about our anxieties about our previous relationships (and establishing concretely that it's something both of us have issue enough that we have to discuss them with each other, and that we're both comfortable with that), we started to have sex. against every wish in every ounce of my body i told him it wasn't a good idea because we weren't using any method of protection. he apologized and stopped and was completely wonderful about it, and it was, regardless, a magnificent gesture of trust towards me that i was so honored and pleased to recieve. he has a lot of hangups that he is struggling past to appreciate how beautiful and wonderful this is between us. and that he is at all stuns me. i wasn't expecting it. i was deeply apprehensive about expressing my feelings because of how consistently exploited he's been, how compulsively he's become emotionally intimate with people. i can't get over how open he is and how easily we can discuss very difficult things. it is so reassuring.

and i'm so excited to see where he lives! AND TO BE FINISHED WITH STATISTICS. it was so perverse to be wishing that the class not end. now i can wish it away in good conscience.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11