You gave me hyacinths first a year ago. They called me the hyacinth girl.

currently listening to: "thirty-six & 2" by tool

1. my dad's really responded to my hummus.

2. i'm so embarrassed. i thought i was doing a nice, right thing. i never am when it comes to that. or i can do all the nice, right things i want and it doesn't matter.

3. I GOT A CALL ABOUT A JOB. a job i applied for in june - they called and scheduled an interview with me later in the week. and i was so sleepy/disoriented when i got the call that i consented, but i have to call them back now and tell them i can't come in because they would train me for one week and then i'd have to leave forever. my whole summer's been like that. despite how mark keeps telling me i can wait to graduate, no - i have had my fill of the back and forth and the finitude of every living/working arrangement. i want to have this year and be available to a job i qualify for and desire. there is one now in the town where school is and i would love it! ahh!

4. when i get angry, my vision suffers, like i'm looking through dense ugly tupperware-esque plastic. this is a recent development. since i've stopped with bad habits. i'm on the fence as to what scares me more. right now this is (vision thing).

5. i wonder if i should tell mark when i'm angry. i don't mean that as "i wonder if i should" but when i am angry, actively - such as now - i wonder. when i'm not i don't - i wonder why i don't. why i am so polite. i am not angry at him and so he doesn't NEED to know but i don't even share it with him. and i feel myself wanting to.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)