happy the man and happy he alone

8:03 a.m. x 2010-01-13

currently listening to: "babooshka" by kate bush

this semester has had a really grave beginning. i feel like that should be a good omen - that things will get easier instead of harder.

i have had to consult professional help on the subject of this girl. i am down my living daylights as a result of the passed two days, and i can't fucking deal with it in addition to my responsibilities. she needs more help than i can offer and i don't know how to say that gently. she is going to me for things she should go to the hospital about, and it does nothing to me but hurt to see her killing herself. i think she'd be more open to help of the institutional variety after being here a bit longer (because being here is good, she enjoys it - she doesn't want to put an end to it), but at the same time i don't think she can get much out of being here in the state she's in.

and i need to be on top of things. i am going to talk to an intro to creative writing class today, and i messed up in form & theory yesterday. it really threw me and i think the professor could tell. he was okay about it then but my standards for myself are higher than that.

I HAVE MORE BOOKS THAN I EVEN ANTICIPATED. i am indeed still missing two (ovid! and sophocles) for classical and fiction professor gave us another from his library for form & theory. he says it's out of print but it isn't, so i'm buying a copy. it is fantastic.

the first day of advanced criticism was also rough going, but i all ready have a plan of attack for that class (we have to plot our own course of study). we're supposed to add to a "web of knowledge" assembled by past classes of critical theorists and their revelations and there are no postmodernists at all. i am going to get cixous, barthes, gass, nin and robbe-grillet in there.

one of our tasks is also to bring in cute bits of trivia or the like about literature. i'm going to show her (the professor) divine comedy's "booklovers." i think she'll love it.

i'm going to plough through more of the iliad and see in what state the fiction professor is. i'm very nervous. i have been feeling sick with nerves the past two days and it's frustrating because i was so happy and AM but things keep coming up. it will get better, though. this will be good - helping people to the extent that i can with skills i genuinely possess. i don't think fiction professor's really mad at me. he just advised me to not coming "storming in like a buffalo" when i'm clearly upset/late. heeded.

i have to write about theatre class soon. jesus.

if anybody should ask i'm going to a seminar
pieces of the moon
JOBJOBJOB
interviewinterviewinterview
sensitive heart, you're doomed from the start
(& etc)

anybody can be just like me, obviously.
not too many can be like you, fortunately.
KL 02-11